Online match-maker?

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 06:03:37 GMT

Sample these advertisement: A father carries the traditional wedding 'peta' (turban) around town and places it on (what he thinks) suitable boys to see if he makes a good groom for his daughter. When the said daughter logs onto a match-making portal to check out a possible candidate, the father does the same to the computer monitor.

One matrimonial site says 'marriages are forever'. Oh yeah? Really? Like, until he suspects her of having an affair and puts a pillow on her face before hanging himself? Or until he finds out that his wife, whom he is trying to woo to come back home, has already been married three times. Each time, she has left her husband's house on the pretext of dowry harassment, filed a complaint with the nearest police station and gone and uploaded a brand new photo on her online matrimonial profile?

Another one claims to be the world's largest matrimonial service and claims 'miracles do happen' before stating the statistic of the number of matches. Oh sure! Like the NRI who met her online, trusted her, gave her money for her parent's hospitalization only to find out, she has married someone else.

No, I am not against matrimonial sites. It's their business and they are just earning their bread. I personally know someone who met her match online is settled on the other side of the world. But what is with people? I mean, are they really that naive? Pardon me, but I think they are intentionally ignorant. Time and again, we read these stories and watch gory details of how one person took advantage of the gullible other. Yet, we seem to trust people in the virtual world more than accept reality.

Marriage is unarguably the most important event in life. Unlike the family you are born into, you can choose your partner in a marriage. That's good and bad. There is never a one sided coin, is there? You can make a list of criteria and match up with a potential partner to help you take a good decision. The problem is you don't know how truthful the potential partner is. Even though one might argue that one need not get hung in a marriage 'coz divorce is a solution, it is a very painful solution.

Given all this, how do you check the authenticity of a person online? I mean, haven't we heard of stories of online friends meeting to discover what they thought was an 18 year old, svelte, beautiful girl was actually a 56 year old bald man with a paunch? Or even in job interviews, the person who joined work couldn't even speak clearly while the one who attended the telephonic interview was fluent in English, excellent in communication and technically sound.

Marriage is too important a decision to be taken based on the photo and details provided on a website. You never know what is on the other side. Some how, we have a tradition of building a marriage on blind trust. So, when someone claims to be a Harvard educated MBA graduate, working in the UK for a six figure salary, owning a posh villa in London (no less), we don't find the need to ask for certificates/proof. When someone claims to be considerate and caring, we completely turn a blind eye to the fact that he/she has left aging parents at home to fend for themselves.

How can you exchange a few emails/pictures/sms/calls and know the nature of the person? You do meet the person, but are a few meetings enough to decide a life-long relationship? I agree, this particular argument holds good for marriages in general, but that in a different topic. Shash and I dated each other for six and a half years before we tied the knot (he insists we 'knew' each other (cheater)), yet we were in for a surprise when we moved in together.

How do you know he/she hasn't killed someone? How do you know he/she doesn't have a psychological disorder? How do you know he/she is not dependent on someone else for existence? Of course, you can hire a third eye to perform background checks. But is that fool proof? And what about the price tag? Having done all that and spent so much time, money and energy, if you discover the person wasn't meant to be, then what?

How do you know he/she isn't there for just time pass? Vini narrated this incident to me where this girl met a guy online through a marriage portal and thought they'd fit in together after some email exchanges. They even decided their parents should meet for further discussions when to her shock; he proposed they stay just 'friends' and 'hangout' with each other. Must I mention she was lucky?

Personally, I can never make friends or relationships over the internet medium. I cannot trust someone with personal details if I have not met him/her. That probably explains why I do not have any pen pals. Or why I do not accept any and every friend invite that comes on Orkut/Facebook. And marriage is just unthinkable.

What I do not understand is, until 10 years ago, weren't there marriages? Technology is meant to make our life easier, but over dependence for creating, nurturing and sustaining relationships is actually making life painful and leaving us emotionally drained.

Under the Rainbow: Technology

Online match-maker?