The age difference fixation

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:35:56 GMT

Over a decade ago, my cousin, then five years of age (may be less) asked an unsuspecting aunt "Why do men in the family die early?" She replied, "Because men are older than women". And he was quick to ask again, "Why are men always older?" My aunt thought better than to answer that.

When Shash and I announced our marriage, one person was very keen on knowing his birthday. When I told the date and month, the person was very indiscreet in asking the year too. Knowing very well that Shash and I were classmates in college, the purpose of the question was to ascertain who among us was older. That directly equated to who would be the controlling authority at home and how many fights we'd have. Had it been any other time, I'd have lied just to add fuel to the fiery imagination and have fun. But I didn't do that 'coz I didn't want any complications.

A headline read a few months ago "XX delivered healthy triplets" and went on to detail "The father of the triplets Mr. YY, 13 years XX's junior, visibly very happy, said they have not decided any names yet". Yet another news item screamed "He divorced his wife of 15 years, 7 years older than him to be with his new girlfriend 8 years younger". And another headline screamed "Writer marries model half his age" and the list goes on and on and on.

When I was in college and we were discussing marriages, I asked dad why the age difference was such an important factor. I mean I can understand religion and language because it would be tough to adapt to a new one. But why insist the bride be at least five years (or whatever) younger than the groom? He said "Men are weak in the mind. One slight provocation and they fall off the track and get onto another one. Women always have to be young and attractive." I argued, "But these are the days of Botox. Looking attractive has nothing to do with age. Can you say Shobha De looks her age? And what about the women, why should they be with drums?" A similar discussion among friends summarized "Women are hard working and can get ahead in life and career faster. This leads to insecurity in men and directly translates to divorce". And then there is the biology.

While I agree that these arguments hold good if we were 30 years behind time, I do not understand why matrimonial ads still say "She is 24, slim, fair, attractive, earns well in an MNC. Looking for a groom at least 27 years of age, good looking, should work in an MNC, ..." Forget the ads, the first number that matchmakers throw up is the age of the prospective bride/groom followed by the salary.

Recently, a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years because her family thought he should be much older to be able to marry her. They both studied together and were at the same point in life, career-wise. Yet, they thought the marriage wouldn't succeed 'coz same age means equal ego.

I read somewhere, you might be able to kick something you were born with but you wouldn't be able to leave something you were born into. That seems to hold true in this context.

There are marriages that have worked and there are those that haven’t. And that has nothing to do with age, color, race, religion, societal status or money. It has to do with the two people involved and only those two people.

Under the Rainbow: Marriage

The age difference fixation