Under the Rainbow: Life

What's in a name?

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 12:53:40 GMT

Who ever said this is definitely a man. 'Cuz the answer to this question is very very complicated for a woman.

Take my case for example. In our tradition, at the naamakarana (naming) ceremony, we are given five names - four standard ones that signify health, wealth, prosperity, etc and one official. My mom wanted a short name with only two aksharas (syllables) in Kannada. So, I was officially named Shilpa - meaning a beautiful and intricate sculpture. And thus began the tussle with my name.

My gramps always said I was a princess born in the family and so he named me Rani. Every time he asked my name and I said Shilpa, he'd correct me and say, 'Your name is Rani. Going forward, if anyone asks you your name, that’s what you should say' and I'd nod my head.

My dad registered my name as N Shilpa Prabhu in school, Prabhu being his name and N standing for my ancestral village - Nagavara. That’s Indian style you see - in Kannada we write Nagavarada Shilpa Prabhu - Shilpa Prabhu belonging to Nagavara. So, the name of the place the person belongs to comes first followed by the given name and then surname/family name.

Now, you know, Shilpa is a very popular name. There were many girls by the name in school and to avoid confusion, each one was called by their initial or surname. So, I was called Prabhu back then. Then just before my exams in 7th, our class teacher had to send names of students appearing in the exam to the board. She called me and said, 'You can't have your name starting with an initial, why don't you call yourself Shilpa N Prabhu. It sounds much better'. My dad was not amused. He asked her to move the initial to the end of the name.

I somehow don't connect well with namesakes because to avoid conflict, I am called a different name. No No, I am ok with nick names but I am not okay with my name being sliced and diced. When I was entering my Engineering course I prayed to God that there be no namesakes. Finally, my prayers were answered and after 18 long years I was called by my name.

Then came my passport application. You know, in passport, initials are not allowed. So, we entered my given name as Shilpa, middle name as Prabhu and Surname as Nagavara. For employment, we have to enter our name as in passport. So, I started writing my fully expanded name. Now, there was a conflict with the banks, names don't match na?

Wait wait, that's just half the story. You know, every girl gets married and I did too. In the days, when we were seeing each other, I had told him loud and clear that I wouldn't be changing my name after marriage. I mean, if I always have to have a man's name with mine, I might as well stick to my dad's. If it wasn't for my dad who took care of me for 24 years, how could I be where I am?

Marriage is a little dicy situation. We have a custom changing the first name also. But, thank God, his dad is a very practical man. He said, with name change, you'd have to change everywhere including banks, accounts, at office, etc. Plus since my signature has my dad's name too, I'd have to change that as well. And every time, I'd have to carry an additional name change document. He said it is not necessary. Wow!

Now, my dad refuses to write his name with mine. He just writes N Shilpa. He says I shouldn't be using his name after marriage. Huh?

But, in the midst of all this dad's name, husband's name confusion, we forget the most important name. The mom's name.

And then there is my friend Smitha. She named her two daughters Samhitha and Samanvitha because she wanted her name in their’s. Her logic - they are going to use their dad's name anyways, why should I be left out when I do the entire struggle and undergo all the pain? Besides, they might drop their dad's name after marriage but the probability that they'd change their given name is less. Good point.

2007 - A look back

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 16:51:59 GMT

The year touched the skies and the abyss of the ocean. Time flew in the beginning and end and stood still in between.

Professionally, the year started off with my first trip outside the country. Visit to Bluebell, PA was very eventful, got to meet our counterparts in the US with whom we were interacting on the phone all the while. Had an oppurtunity to meet Pat's lovely family. My next stop there was Bellvue near Seattle where I met our Microsoft SATC team. I got to visit Microsoft at Redmond, nice place to work but there are too many closed cubicles. The smiley t-shirt I bought there is something I wear very often.

Was part of the SCAMPI-C audit of CMMI L5 assessment. That really enlightened me about the processes. Now, I appreciate all the more, the need to do things then and there and not prolong or put it off to tomorrow. I hope I get to be a part of SCAMPI-A audit as an assessee.

My title changed to Module Lead. I am a little disappointed though, I could not complete the Rational certifications I set out to accomplish. No no, no reasons given. Shash got ptomoted and got a couple of awards as well. He is doing great in his job and if the number of calls he gets is any indication, his manager is very impressed with him.

Uni-carnival 2007 was really a grand finish to the work year. Our invocation song (Gaaiye Ganapathi Jag Vandhana) finally came out well after a lot of dashes and crashes. The food was just too good. It was a grand show. Got to meet a lot of families of our colleagues.

Personally, the crest and trough were far far away. The highest was Shash's LASIK operation, his eye sight has improved many fold and he probably has the best vision in the family after Vinay. What a relief from carrying the glasses, lens and the case everywhere we go. Now, thats one area I take a beating everytime and he has great fun in pointing out to text 100 feet away and asking me to read. Yes, I fail to read and he laughs his monstrous laugh and reads out. He is just feeling great.

Dad celebrated his Shashtabdi in May. He stepped into his 60th year. We actually celebrated his birthday just before left to the US on Feb 9 and then we had a more religious ritual in May. Dad and mom relived thier marriage as they exchanged garlands, rings and dad even tied a new mangala sutra. Wow, that was so nice. I mean, I was not around to see it the first time but I am sure mom was just as shy then too.

A trip to Chikmagalur was very invigorating and refreshing. I had heard so much about Abbe falls in Kemmangundi and was very eager to get there. The joy of drenching in the falls was worth the horrible red ride to get to the falls. What a way to celebrate our second wedding anniversary, wow! Sunset at Agumbe was another highlight of the trip. We just couldnt stop singing 'Aagumbeya Prema Sanjeya'. Mom was very happy to see Sringeri Sharada and Horandu Annapoorneshwari devi. She had waitied for this visit for so long and it was very satisfying for me. We next moved to Mangalore and Shash was very lazy to get out and see any place. However, he just wanted to dive in the sea and so he did at Mangalore's Pannambur beach and Ullal beach. How can I forget the day we watched three movies (Mr. Bean's Holiday, Tara Rum Pum and Spider Man 3) on the same day at Bharath Mall? Can I ever do that again? No way.

Completed two semesters of my MS course. That was rally tough. I mean balancing work, home and studies. Yeah, yeah, home isn't that tough for me. Thank God, I have a wonderful family. But work and studies was tough - everytime I had my exams, the release was scheduled at office. My CGPA is intact so far and hope that continues for one more semester.

And I lost a few kgs of fat as well. You know, 2006 was a year I put on a lot of weight and 2007 was a year to lose atleast some of them. Thankfully, I did not have to struggle too hard for that. The trip and illness did the job. I no longer have to spend time altering my blouses everytime I have to wear a saree. Which means, I fell ill a little too frequently this year and that kept me grounded, unfortunately.

I got to watch some great movies - Chak De India, Johnny Gaddar and Hey Baby really stole the show. I got to meet some interesting people both personally and professionally. The best part is they added a new perspective to my thoughts.

Some acquisitions this year - 150 GB external hard drive that is overflowing with all the movies and songs. A Philips DVD player. I am very glad that Shashi's mom is getting to watch new movies on the big screen TV now :). The Bajaj air cooler to cool the summer was probably the most intelligent purchase we made. Can't imaging how we'd pass the summer otherwise.

The long awaited Kerala trip was very refreshing. Now I am ready to take on the new year, not that I wasn't before but this holiday has really rejuvenated me (Will be posting pictures of the same shortly). I liked Alleppey the best. I am so surprised at thier lifestyle. I mean, imagine your societal status being measured not by the number of cars you own but by the number of boats you own. I had never seen a place like that and now I want to go back and spend more time there. In Alleppey, I was a little disturbed when I learnt about Benazir's assassination. RIP Benazir.

There were some red tears too, stains that shall never wash off; however hard I try. It is really hard to push these things behind you and move on 'coz they cling to you like a leech sucking your blood even if you want to ward them off.

Looking forward to 2008. The year starts off with the mid-sem exams of the third Sem. I plan to finish of the course by Dussera. At the end of the coming year, I am looking to don a new role, God willing. I have to keep that promise I have made to Shash. Dad retires in the end of Feb and I hope he has a relaxed retired life. I also hope he travels a bit and catches up on all the places he has missed so far.

"Oh!! I can talk"

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 17:30:02 GMT

Sometimes people empathize so much with others pain that they forget their own abilities.

One such incident happened with me one fine day in one of my previous projects.

I had blisters in my mouth and was in such terrible pain that I was unable to eat or talk. I wanted to stay at home so that I can avoid talking. But, the project schedule was hectic and the deadline was just round the corner. The last thing I needed in such a condition was work on a holiday. Remember Murphy’s Law, “If something can go wrong, it will”. So, on a holiday when the whole world was singing, dancing and enjoying delicacies, there we were in office, struggling to meet the deadline. And there I was communicating with my team mates by writing on a piece of paper.

My team mates had gone for lunch and I was sitting alone in my cubicle (as I could not eat) trying to get some piece of code to work when one of the team members came to me. He was unaware of my condition. He started talking and was about to ask a question when I wrote on a paper “I have blisters in mouth, I am unable to talk” and showed it to him. He immediately grabbed the paper and pencil from my hand and started writing “What is the…”. Midway, he realized what he was doing and put the pencil down. He then said “Oh! I can talk”. Both of us burst into laughter.

Even today, the thought of this incident makes me laugh

Congrats and Welcome to the club!

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 09:53:02 GMT

The first person to wish me this was my dear friend Anu. I have said this four times in three days. That's a record of sorts. I mean, not so many people have told me in so many days about thier wedding plans.

Are you wondering which club? Let me give you some hints. I have been a member of this club for over 2 years and believe me, its been great. It has still not sunk in. Well, its a couples only club i.e, entry for couples only. Singles not allowed. Entry is free and not. I mean, you dont exactly have to pay money for entry but you'll have to pay with time, trust, commitment, loyalty and own up responsibility.

Some people are eager to jump in, some are reluctant and some are not so sure. Some plan it way in advance, others take a hasty decision. For some, its elaborate and extravagant, while others like to keep it simple and low profile. Some seek parental guidance while others stick to thier decision. But more or less, everyone does get into this club. There are some multiple entries too.

What are the advantages? First of all, you get a 'partner' who is with you for every moment to come (Am I being too optimistic? May be). You get to meet and know new people. The number of your near and dear ones increase. You get an additional pay packet/pocket money to spend. People say you "settle down" and your life comes "on track" (That's debatable). No more gangs. Even if there is, it kind of becomes 'couples gang'.

Whats the down side? There are expectations to be met and compromises to be made. No more just 'me', it has to be 'us'. But then again, the merits weigh much heavier than the demerits.

Still not guessed? The club is called "Matrimony".

So, coming back to the topic. Last Sunday my sister Roopa got engaged to Barry (yeah! its a nick name and a different story). So, I wished both of them. On Monday, an old friend of mine (not sure if she'd like me taking her name, so I am going to avoid) told me she is getting married next Feb. Whats better? She is getting married to her boyfriend of 9 years (I guess). And it gets better, yesterday some one close to me (yes, I have been warned by this person against writing this blog and have been specifically told to keep all this to myself but you know, I do when I am told not to) he's found 'someone he wants to spend his life with' (in exact same words). He was the one who never wanted to get married and I see him treading my foot steps in the exact same path.

For those who know me and the people around me, keep guessing who I am talking about. I think there is only one person in this world who will know. Ofcourse, its got to be my partner. After all, isn't marraige all about transparency? So, have I become an advocate of marraige? No. But, I would not trade my place with anyone in the world.

Picture Courtesy: http://ldc.upenn.edu/myl/llog/BizarroVows.jpg